Finally... Entered into my "Second Life"

For the last few years I have talked about the next phase of my life as my "second life". Now I know there is a huge virtual reality group that came along a while back and made that phrase quite famous, but I came up with it first, so this is my interpretation of what that means to me. For me, my "second life" denoted what my "intentional life" would be once I was able to leave the corporate/structured work life and live a life that I chose based more on my wants/needs. That life (now this life) was to be a life with much more freedom. My second life was a life that didn't have to be perfect (there is no such thing) but I wanted to live, really live before I leave this earth.

I have found that most of my adult life has been lived to take care of others (and myself) and factored into that endeavor, to a smaller degree but still a component was measuring up to the societal acceptance and approval. At 51, I am at a place in my life that only my monthly living bills need to be paid consistently. Thankfully, I have paid off my debt and am only responsible for myself now with my only child being a grown man on his own. Therefore, my financial needs are modest. Also thankfully, I own my vehicle (not the bank) and I don't need a lot of material things to be happy. What I do need and for the most part want, I pretty much have at this point. I am a gadget gal, love technologies' fun and helpful delights. But I have been a single parent most of my life too, so I have never been one to spend a lot on anything. When I bought my Kindle (Amazon e-reader - love it by the way) I thought about it and reads zillions of reviews and researched it for 6 months before I actually broke down and bought it. That is typical of me. I don't buy items over about $30 without some major thought and research first. And with the Kindle as in other purchases/electronic gadgets/etcetera, I am happy with the version I purchased. I don't have to rush out to get the newest glossy, glitzy, updated version. So today, I am thankful for the preparations I have made (paying off debt, paying off vehicle, buying most of the things I need to take care of myself well with my "second life" plans) as well as having the mindset to move into a lifestyle in which I personally find more freedom, as opposed to staying within the accepted societal expectations only.

I have finally left my latest several year "corporate gig" as the overall operations, office and marketing manager of a professional tax consulting/tax law firm, to embrace simpler choices in my own life.This phase of my life has been something I have sought and planned in abstract for the last 20 years, and in more specific terms for the last 10 years. This past couple years I have literally planned what I needed to full time van dwell. (What RVers often refer to as "full-timing".)

I have a couple memberships that allow me use of a beautiful mountain/lake area for my home-base. I will have the use of satellite cable, water and full electrical hook-up as well as a wonderful community atmosphere. The area has many amenities and perks that work well with who I am. I am working on a "secret project" as well as doing some writing that I am expecting to support me. My needs are minimal, but I plan to be successful enough to help others along the way as well as take good care of myself. I am determined to take very good care of myself in the also extremely important areas of health and spirituality.

I will be announcing my "secret project" here within the next few weeks. I certainly hope you will join me in that unveiling! Thanks for sharing in this momentous new phase of my life. It only gets better from here. I will leave you with 2 quotes that say a lot to me as I take this continued journey: "Mistakes are the portals of discovery." -James Joyce & "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." -Leonardo DiVinci

Keeping Your Focus Among Massive Distraction

There's nothing like a good end of "your world", disaster movie to put things into perspective. I think when we are presented with (or inundated by) something so extreme, it allows our minds to clear much of the distractions that can rob us from accomplishing the success generated by "focus". I find when we focus in on whatever it is we focus in on... THAT becomes our central theme for the moment. If we continue to focus in on it, it will become our focus for the hour or the day or the week... well you get the idea. If we put the attention on negativity, possibly the economic crisis and all that is taking place right now for a reasonable portion of time and then go back to our focus on living well, loving God, taking care of our families and on doing well at our work, then there is balance and success can remain and grow. But, if the focus gets too muddled and we lose that precise point of positives thought put to action, it can and most often will steal everything away that matters to us. Everything...

It is crucial that we focus on the upside of things. In doing so our focus will help guide our actions and outlook which will lead to a better result in whatever it is that we are looking to accomplish. So often when things are tough, whether it be related to the economy, personal relationships or a host of other things, we focus so much on the problems and issues surrounding that problem that we become discouraged and lose our ability to retain hope and expectation of the positive. When we go there in our thoughts, it sets us up for failure. If you find yourself focusing on the negative rather than the positive look at the flip side of whatever it is that is getting you down. If you are concerned about your job, think about the fact that in no area of the United States is the employment at 11% yet. That means that of those of us that are of age and ability to work, 89% of us are! Look on the flip side. Having marital troubles? Look at those beautiful children and remember that there are some wonderful things that came from that marriage. Change of any type can be difficult, for some it can be debilitating but it doesn't have to! Turn on some uplifting music, watch a hope filled movie or hang out with some very upbeat, positive friends when you feel down, not with someone who will feed your discouragement! Look on the upside... it will give you alot and take nothing from you to do so. Right now stop and make a list of all the things you are thankful for. Focus on the positive. If you feel stuck in the negative or downtrodden heaviness try: Listening to upbeat music that you enjoy, music that sends a good message to you. For me "Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance" by Mary Mary can pull me out of a funky mood just about anytime! And/or... PRAY! When I get stuck and feel a heaviness in my outlook I often will read verse prayers (also called word prayers) out loud. By the time I am on the second or third prayer I am thanking God for His care and all He has done and will do that I am in soaring into wonderful strength and wholeness. (Check out "Prayers That Avail Much" by Germaine Copeland, my favorite is the 3 in 1 commemorative edition). And finally, go to where you feel good! For me that is nature... For me that means waterfalls, mountains rivers creeks lakes forests the ocean and so forth. For someone else it could be a beautiful garden (when I lived in S. FL many years ago I used to often go to a Japanese park with a waterfall and willow trees. It was very beautiful and inately peaceful.) or wherever makes you feel peaceful and puts a smile deep within you. Just a drive through a scenic area or sitting on a park bench overlooking a serene area or watching people skate by or on a dock. There are probably about as many places as people.

Finally I must say that for me knowing loving and being loved and directed by One far greater than I is crucial to my well-being. I find immense hope strength and purpose in my relationship with God Himself. I highly recommend your getting to know Him as well. It's a quality decision that you willnever regret. For further on that: http://www.gotlife.org/intro.html

USA Economy in 2009: 11% Empty or 89% Full?

Turn on the news on any TV channel or radio station, morning, noon or night and chances are good that you will hear something about the economy. We have heard and seen a substantial level of downtrend in the US economy, especially in the latter months of 2007 continuing through all of 2008. The housing market has literally fallen apart, with many either losing their homes to foreclosure or experiencing huge drops in their home's market value. This alone has substantially weakened the overall wealth report of the masses in the US. The worst case scenarios involve the loss of family homes, forcing people (often entire families) to live in their vehicles, with relatives or in homeless shelters, if not altogether homeless. When you add in the other elements that have been a big part of the overall picture, including: the stock market wildly swinging in all directions with record breaking lows and then occasionally hitting a huge surge upward, national and personal debt badly deplete, and unemployment is reported the highest since the depression days of the 1920s, all fueling a huge decrease in consumer spending, the forecast looks bleak. Hardest hit is discretionary spending including the automotive industry, much of the retail market, as well as shutting down many restaurants. It's not only an eye-opening time for the American people but also many other countries that are literally suffering a defraying of the fiber of their economic structure as well.

Should we all just get depressed, give up and lay around on the couch waiting for the world to fall apart? Of course not! First, let's look at the real statistics: In December 2009 the unemployment rate is at 10.3% and some economists predict it will hit 11% in 2009. Even if it hits 11% that still means that 89% of the adult Americans able to work, in fact are working. They may not all be earning as much as they would in better economic times but they are working and at least paying for their family's basic needs. 89%! The housing market, the stock market and consumer debt are all in terribly badly shape. That said, we are still a far more affluent country than over 75% of the world. In fact if you have any kind of roof over your head (including your vehicle) and any kind of food to eat, you are very very blessed. We have grown so used to excess in this country that we have lost sight of all we do have.

It is wisdom to take note of what is happening around us and get our lives, hearts and minds in order. It is the fool who continues as if nothing is changing around him. But with that enlightened wisdom, also must come the ability to see into the upside of the downtrends. During our country's most difficult times have come the most inventions that have continued to become the mainstays of America. Ergo the saying: "Necessity is the mother of invention." Once again, our mind set will tell each of our tales. How we choose to feel and deal with what is happening can propel us into greater things or allow us to fall into a pit fueled by fear. We make the choice between the two, you and I. Can we choose if we lose our home or job? Sometimes yes, but most of the time I would say no. However we CAN all choose if we are going to respond or react to the changes we continue to see and hear about here in the USA. Reaction can be anything from an emotional outburst to a slow emotional shut down. But there is usually some kind of non contained emotional energy that takes place when things are left to simply reaction. But response, that is a whole different story. Response comes from forethought and using rational decision making skills. To respond most often means a positive result, whereas to to react is general the adverse bring on the negative.

Let's choose how we "see". Is the glass half full or half empty? Actually it is over 89% full and less than 11% empty. We are Americans. We are a nation of creative, inventive, forward moving people of all ages, sizes, races and religions. It is time to take up our swords and plunge forward into whatever may come. I would rather move forward and fight the good battle than sit in a dark hole and watch everyone walk by me. Welfare and subsidies of all times are meant to be a help to those needing help, not an enabler to do nothing. Take up the good fight for yourself and those that you love. Don't give up, don't give in. Respond, create, keep moving forward. As in most of life's challenges if handled well, you have little to lose and so very much to gain. We inspire when we continue to move forward, we shine the light without even realizing it, so that others can keep moving forward too. Let's shine ladies and gentlemen... In good times or tough... let's shine...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~GOD (Jeremiah 29:11)

The Economic Answer: Live Below Your Means

There has been a huge amount of coverage on the ongoing and ever deepening levels of the current economic crisis. It appears that a sort of domino effect is taking place. First the homeowners that can't afford to pay their monthly mortgages, then the lenders and real estate industry, followed by the residential contractors... And now it has hit the banks and even the hugest of lending institutions. Where will it end? What do the government bail-outs mean? How will they affect the average working citizen of the United States? Will our taxes go up? What does it mean? I, like many others will continue to follow the news as it happens to learn the answers to these unanswered questions.

Our food costs more, our gasoline is outrageous and small businesses are struggling to continue on. Many have actually closed or at best cut out benefits and laid off 1/2 or more of their employees to continue on. So what does all this seemingly "negative" news mean? No matter what state we are in, we have to face something as Americans that we haven't faced in many years. We have to make tough decisions to begin to live below our means. I constantly hear car commercials tempting all in ear and/or eye shot to save on gas by turning in their SUV or Van and buying a smaller more gas efficient vehicle. They offer to so very kindly take that "gas guzzler" off of our hands. Oh how kind of them??? They are selling cars... Bottom line and that is all they are interested in. It astounds me that people will actually fall for their "invitation". Buy a new car, pay more for their car payment (or pay a car payment), pay more for insurance, even property taxes in most states is more on a newer vehicle and when all is said and done they are paying maybe $300 to $500 more per month and yet somehow they justify it because they are saving on gas? It makes no sense... I heard someone recently say they were paying the $200 for 1 & 1/2 week's groceries and the same amount of money used to last 2 weeks. She said she couldn't pay all her bills because everything costs more now. What she didn't say was that they have changed what they buy... They haven't and therein lies the problem. Far too many people live in big houses they can't afford and/or drive expensive cars they can't afford and on and on. If we don't make changes we are going to be in big trouble as a nation. I have heard that fewer people are going out to eat and doing so less often and as a result many restaurants are hurting, some have closed. These are necessary changes. Even after the economy recovers (which some economists are predicting to be into 2010) we would be much better off as a nation if we begin to live below our means. How about living in smaller, more affordable homes? Consider repairing the paid off vehicle and putting monies aside for maintenance instead of buying a new vehicle? Possibly learning to make just as healthy (maybe more healthy as vegis are typically far less expensive than meat/protein) but more cost effective meals? There are so many things one can do to change the demands on their income... But are they willing to do make those changes? I think many Americans are finally coming to the point that they/we realize that it is necessary to make some hard choices if we are going to weather what may come in the next couple years.

In the meantime, let's not forget that although we have to deal with what may come, there are many millionaires that are made during the downturns. What is the difference? They refuse to stop doing the things that promote success. Don't give up on your dreams, don't stop working or quit your job, but do keep feeding your dreams and the positive thoughts and plans that keep us motivated to accomplish extraordinary things. As we make the hard choices to live on less, let's choose to exercise those things that fuel us in the positive ways: Physical activity, reading, spending time with family and friends, and living with joy and anticipation of the good to come in the things that truly matter. As you take a look at your income and outgoing Moines and make some hard but wise decisions to live below your means, don't forget to smile and love and live. Go to the park, grill the burgers and hot dogs instead of the steaks but grill! Living on less doesn't mean doing nothing and living in depression, it means choosing well and learning to live well and congratulate yourself for making those wise choices. After all, living well is not about big homes and expensive cars. Are there some here in America they may possibly have forgotten that truth? Let's all choose well and live much more and better as as a result.

Vandwelling: What? Why? How? & Should I Consider It?

VanDwelling... This article will explore VanDwelling: What is it? - Why would anyone choose to live that way? - How can one make their living space more comfortable and functional? And, should you personally consider it? Look for additional articles that discuss additional aspects of vandwelling such as: short term versus long term van dwelling, travel versus stationary vanwdwelling and more indepth preparation suggested for vandwelling.

What is it? Vandwelling simply means using a van as a dwelling as well as a mode of transportation. Those with plenty of money may be driving a Roadway or Pleasureway Camper Van with all the bells and whistles of a much larger RV, however most of them would probably refer to themselves as "RV'ers" or "Full-timers" instead of "Vandwellers". For the most part, most vandwellers are those driving converted vans. Many of those converted living spaces are self built/converted. To get an idea of what some interior set-ups look like and/or include, I have a slide show of varied samples of actual vandweller interior living spaces on my website http://www.lordandcurtiss.ws/

Why would anyone choose to live that way? Many choose this lifestyle for many different reasons. One of the most basic reasons is: life circumstances. Some vandwellers began to dwell in their vehicles as a necessity due to long work commutes. Many vandwellers started out as displaced individuals due to divorces/break-ups, loss of a job, financial troubles, a lease ending and not ready to sign another, etcetera. Often life circumstances have forced many into the lifestyle, including the current massive foreclosure dilemma of recent months. However, many times once one has experienced vandwelling and the fear of the unknown is no longer an element they find they like it! The freedom, saving monies, having the courage to be different/unique in the face of a mostly generic follow the societal guidelines world and the ability to live on less and experience so much is intoxicating.

How can one make their living space more comfortable and functional? First, consider that as a vandweller it is important to be equipped for no electricity to be available as well as being equipped for full hook-up options. It is always best to defer to the lower wattage/amperage options available in everything, especially large power draw items such as a microwave or A/C. One has to determine what their particular situation is and what they personally need and work from there. The most basic needs are the most important. So let's start there. You need a place to sleep as comfortably as possible. I have a conversion van that came with a back seat that lays down into a nice sized bed. I use a backrest with arms (for sitting up on it) and lots of pillows for additional comfort. Though the bed as is, is pretty comfortable, I also have a 2" memory foam mattress topper for additional comfort as well. There are many that don't have this option and build a wood base for a bed or use another option such as an air bed. The next basic for most, is bathroom options. Some use composting toilets, others use devices as simple as a plastic container designed specifically for either males or females. My personal choice is a hassock type simple portable toilet that one can use standard kitchen bags (that can be quickly and courteously disposed of) with the use of kitty litter to keep everything as clean and odor free as possible. I like the hassock style because they look quite harmless, it has a tight top lid, and can be topped with a cloth for use as a side table when not in use (Or just shove it out of sight). Throw in a few battery operated lights (LED lamps put out a lot of light with very little battery power!) In the warmer months try to park in the shade and have battery operated fans (some have both battery options and a power supply for electrical use.) One can use a generator or solar options but that definitely requires another article! With electrical hook-ups consider a small swamp cooler or portable A/C unit. During the winter months toasty clothing (thermal underwear, socks etc.) and a thermal sleeping bag will greatly improve your sleep conditions. For very cold nights consider a portable propane heater with a safe-off option and be sure to ventilate! (It is extremely important to leave a window partially open with a propane heater and to have the safe-off option for your safety and well-being.) With electric hook-up a small ceramic heater will do.

For the next level: Decide what you need/want and evaluate how much living space you have available. For storing and/or cooking food you may include something as simple as a cooler (I have a stainless steel cooler that keeps ice cold for 3 days to a week, depending on the outside temperatures). Some have 3 way refrigerators (AC/DC/Propane) but they can be very pricey. I like the heavy duty cooler option because it is low maintenance and of course will work whether I have electric hookup available or not. If you plan to cook, there are many options from camp stoves using propane and portable grills, low tech 12 volt warmers and even thermoses that can be used for simple cooking methods. With electric hook-ups of course there are many space saving options from the new convection portable type "ovens" that grill/steam/roast/bake in 1/2 the time with amazing results, (I have the black & stainless option of the NuWave Oven) as well as George Foreman type grills and many other options. Next, one must consider space saving organization. This can range from simple plastic containers that slide under the bed to nice organizational products especially made for clothes, pantry items, personal items etcetera. I have several black soft-sided organizational unit that aid me very well for all the aforementioned.

And finally, Taking one's personal needs and wants and putting it together with the interior design/look that refect the personal style one individually prefers make "the" space "your" space. I have black organizers and mostly stainless steel and black devices and equipment. My van interior is a nice rich beige color and I also have touches of greens, beiges and lavenders in my bedding and pillows to soften the overall look. Throw in those things that are important to you or that you enjoy. (IE: Small flat screen TV, portable DVD/CD player, reading material etcetera.) I power these simple low power usage items with a portable power station that can be powered up during the day almost anywhere. There are many many things one can do to fine tune their new small living environment.

Should you personally consider vandwelling? Remember this is MY personal opinion: If you are a single or a couple that can flourish and grow in small spaces then it is something you may want to explore. Consider the following aspects of you and your personality: Do small spaces feel cozy to you instead of claustrophobic? Do you acclimate well to non-traditional choices? Can you adapt to change? Are you in a place in life where you don't need large spaces for family members to enter often? As you read this article did you feel an excitement build or were you scared silly at the thought of vandwelling? And, finally you can actually do anything you choose to and pretty much be happy if you want to. But only you can decide if it may possibly work for you. I would suggest you google "vandwelling" and go on my website listed below and read my story on the main page and then go on the resource tab and go into some of the resource websites and explore the lifestyle option for a while before you make any radical choices.

Look for additional articles to come soon. Until then... Know that you can do most of whatever your head tells you you can do so think well. You don't have to follow the leader... You can be the leader. Just stay safe, do things honestly and legally, be respectful of others and their property, and finally enjoy life!

Blessings for Your Journeys, Brenda
http://www.lordandcurtiss.ws/
simplywhatmatters.blogspot.com

Strategizing To Live Well In A Down Economy

If you are one (like myself) that is being or has been affected by the effects of the current economy, it may be time to step back and assess what can be done differently. Do you have less money coming in? Have you been layed off or downsized? Or possibly you just can't make ends meet on what you have coming in due to the increase in your outgoing costs for the basics like gas and food. Whatever your situation is, you will find there are many ways to reduce or help subsidize your overall living expenses. By the time many of us "wake up" to the fact that things are tough and maybe won't be getting better economically right away... we are in trouble financially.

There are things we can do to rapidly and drastically change our living expenses. You may have to go outside your comfort zones a bit, but tough times call for change. Time to strategize!

• Are you living in an apartment or home where you could bring in a room-mate? Can you open up a bedroom (and bath) to rent? Check your lease agreement and make sure you are not in breach of the lease to do so. Many apartment complexes will allow a new roommate as long as they register with the property management. Home owners can most often rent out a room or share their home without restrictions.


• Do you drive to work? With gas prices so high, it has been difficult for many to continue to commute independently. Seek out others at work who may be interested in car pooling. Many cities now have car pooling directories set up. Inquire with your community, town hall or mayor's office for available options. In some larger traffic dense cities like Atlanta, there are even monetary incentives for people to begin car pooling!


• Have a plan before you shop. No more are the days of picking something up when you have no idea what you are making (or bringing home) for dinner. Develop a menu and shop for what is actually needed. It costs far less to make dinner than eat out. It can go even farther if pre-planning is involved. Shop the sales and buy with the season. Google "budget meals", "frugal meals", and "tips for saving money on food" for lots of ideas to save on your food budget. But remember a sale is only beneficial if you don't succumb to the temptation to buy something you didn't need in the first place because it happens to be "on sale". Plan your menu and snacks and shop accordingly. Make the days of shopping on the fly a thing of the past. Now, you shop smart... you are on a mission! Huge savings can be derived with just a plan.
  
• Consider buying used instead of new. Check garage sales, consignment shops, thrift stores or http://www.craigslist.org/ for items that you (or your children) need. Often you can buy gently or rarely used items for a fraction of what it would cost you to purchase new. Consider that in a couple weeks or more your new item will be in the gently used category. How much more are you paying to have that new smell for 2 weeks? If you choose and shop carefully, you can buy almost anything at a far reduced price. Many people are selling items now to make ends meet. As always use good judgment and check it out before you buy. If your gut instinct says something "doesn't feel right" no matter what it looks like, don't buy it.
  
• Find more cost effective forms of entertainment. Don't just park yourself or your family in front of the TV! There are so many great things to do for very little money. Check you local paper for free events like concerts on main street or in the park. Check out nearby walking or hiking trails, waterfalls or scenic or historic areas you can explore and enjoy. If you walk into cool shops along your way, pick up postcards or ideas (note how something is made to duplicate it or just appreciate it's artistic value - but leave it on the shelf... :). Instead of going out to dinner at your favorite restaurant either go for the lunch specials or enjoy desert anytime after you have dinner at home (consider ordering water - beverages are often the most overpriced items on the menu unless you are going to be there for a while and make use of the refills). Cook out on the grill or better yet go to a park to grill or take a picnic and let the kids play on the swings. Find a park or public area with ducks & geese (be careful of the geese they can be a little aggressive at times) and feed them stale bread. (The kids will love throwing out a few pieces of bread in the water and watching the ducks clamor to get them.) Go camping (if you don't have equipment, consider borrowing it). Check out the discount movie theatres or special pricing deals (at times at off times such as Saturday morning before noon theatres will have strongly reduced prices). Go to an arboretum and enjoy the flowers and butterflies or take a paddle boat out on a local lake... There are so many great low cost things you can do if you open yourself to new experiences and discoveries. You might find that you have been missing out on a whole lot by taking the easy road (like a big meal out and/or movies out with all the super expensive eats) of "entertainment" for so long! Hey, have fun out there! If you don't feel like getting out... why not grab a good book or put on some music (or both) and light a few candles and relax for a while. Life doesn't have to be expensive to enjoy. The simple things, laughing hilariously at a silly joke, relaxing in a hot bath to candle light, gazing out over a lake or waterfall, watching your kids play in the park, reading a good book or writing a good book, painting a sunset or watching a sun rise or set... now that's what I call living at it's best!

For the more adventurous free spirits that are open to more creative and out of the norm alternative living ideas like RV and/or vandwelling... look for a feature blog article coming soon!

For now, enjoy life and explore new ways and ideas to save monies and you will not only make it through these challenging economic times, but you may find yourself a lot richer in a lot of ways far more important than the almighty dollar! And again I say: Have fun out there! Life is meant to be enjoyed. I think many times in the USA in particular we have come to equate enjoyment and happiness with the ability to buy things or do what we want when we want it... the bigger (or more) is better concept: Go off for the weekend and stay in a hotel and then buy the big dinner and then buy the mementos and before you know it that "relaxing" weekend away costs you several hundred dollars! Instead... how about camping out by a lake, river or waterfall and enjoy activities in a state or national park... Explore beautiful trails and sites, enjoy the sights and sounds of a meal cooking over an open fire or grill while people laugh and talk and share... And at the end of the weekend, still have money to put gas in your vehicle to get to work next week! And tell me who really experienced and enjoyed the weekend?

If we allow them to, the monetary challenges many of us are facing now, just may end up fueling the very best in us. What started out as "saving money" and making ends meet, could end up being the catalyst for positively life changing experiences. Awaken, breath... take in the simply wonderful choices in life.

Handling Life Changes

Have you ever been there? All of a sudden everything in your life seems to be shifting and changing. It is very scary and yet a little exciting at the same time. All the security is suddenly gone... well the security based on earthly things that is... but it is sobering... it stuns you a bit. One minute you feel relieved that the crazy pace of the merry go round' will finally be stopping soon and the next minute you realize that although you have been spinning to the insanity of it for too long, it paid your bills, so you kept spinning until it felt almost normal for things to often spin crazily. Then one day you knew it was stopping... it was happening so suddenly that you began to hang on to columns that held it together. And then you saw it all clearly as it was slowing... it was time... time for you to get off and start the next phase of your life.

That is where I am right now. The merry go 'round is still spinning but I know it will be stopping here very shortly. And that changes everything. A life upside down... or is it? Even though it robs us of our own life and debilitates our health, do we grow so accustomed to the craziness that we accept it for the monetary security it buys us? I guess the answer in my case is yes, for a while anyway. But now the time has come... and my stomach feels nauseous (after all I have been spinning madly for quite a while now) and my head and back hurt while I try and prepare to get off the crazy ride. Soon it will stop and I will walk away. I imagine my legs will feel a little weak as they learn to steady themselves on the stable ground.

I know the direction in which I am headed and everything about it awakens me. And yet there is much preparation between now and then and many questions I don't have an answer for yet. Change is scary indeed, but it can also be liberating and exciting. Today as I am still standing on the merry go 'round and dealing with all that means, one part of me is crying inside as I am leaving all I have worked for behind... it hurts, I am sad... a grieving is happening quietly inside as I work busily preparing for that thud of a stop that I know is coming soon. And yet... as I gaze out into the future there is another part of me that I can see smiling in life as it was meant to be, breathing again... living fully again... Is that me? That woman laughing as the breeze blows through her hair? Do you see her? She is free of many things... she lives differently than some can understand and yet she is free... do you see her? I almost can now... The door that was is shutting, and I can almost see a big beautiful window beginning to open...